


Complicated

by Jamie_Hill



Category: Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens - Fandom, American Revolution - Fandom, founding fathers - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Hamilton being an innocent babe, Hurt/Comfort, Lams - Freeform, Laurens being very caring, M/M, rape mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-07
Updated: 2015-10-07
Packaged: 2018-04-25 08:43:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4953826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jamie_Hill/pseuds/Jamie_Hill
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex is afraid of being touched because of his past experience. But John is gentle enough to not push him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Complicated

John is sitting at the kitchen table, enjoying this October-ish silence. The weather is dull, the sun hiding behind thick autumn clouds, wind blowing forcefully from time to time, followed by occasional rain – good weather if you plan to spend all day sleeping or suffering from a migraine. The single bright thing in this etude in gray tones is Alex, particularly his red hair, tied up in a lovely ponytail. So neither October, nor this disgusting weather matters – there is only Alex, bent over the countertop with a big knife and a bunch of suspicious vegetables, all into his new attempt to make a culinary masterpiece. John is aware his darling isn’t the best cook – or a cook at all – but it’s always a good thing to give Alex a chance, right?

Aside from that, John is secretly fond of watching him doing something. How could he not? It is such a pleasure for the eyes, his Alex with that serious expression on his face, precious red locks struggling to get out of the tie, delicate hands working, that lithe body of his all concentration. John knows he probably wouldn’t notice so many tiny details if he were ever allowed to _touch_. Yes, he is allowed to touch Alex, stroke his shoulders, or brush his hair, or even occasionally kiss, just a bit… But, John was afraid, this was never enough for his burning desire. 

“Are you hungry, love?”

Oh, this sweet voice.

“If you are, there still might be some soup in the fridge. Cause I don’t think I’ll finish this quickly.”

“No, I’m okay,” John exhales. “I’ll wait.”

“As you wish,” Alex responds, and – oh, God, that smile. 

John knows he shouldn't think so much about this. He shouldn't tease himself with these thoughts. Alex had already explained him everything, a week or two after they started dating when John innocently asked a permission to kiss. He will never forget what came next, those scared eyes, tears, and lowered head. This confession he wished he never heard: Alex would rather not be touched, or kissed, or something else what is done between the two, just because it scared him to death, because the first, and maybe last, man to do this to him has violated his borders, never asking any permission. 

And now Alex is here, in his (their!) kitchen, happy and preoccupied, trying to cook, after all the hard shit he’s been through. That makes John happy, too. He already knows he’s the only one to agree to date Alex for longer than two weeks, and it is a wonder for John: who could deny such an adorable gift? Yes, there is no sex, like, at all, but there are so many other things! Alex violently swearing at a frying pan for burning his breakfast to dust. Alex rehearsing his speech for the court in front of a teddy bear, whom he addresses as “Your Honor.” Alex in pajamas, singing along with an alternative rock song – dear God, he would have made a perfect singer if he hadn’t become a lawyer! Alex with his hair down, Alex asleep, Alex swimming in a pool, Alex winning a major case, Alex walking, speaking, existing, all these things make John so in love that he would forget to breathe.

Anyway, the things are not so hard as it seems. A few months ago Alex would hardly let John sit close to him on the couch. Now John can cuddle with him on the same couch, rubbing his back in the while, and sometimes – sometimes! – even kiss his wonderful lips, not for long, though. And, he knows Alex wants the same things as himself. He's scared, yes, but he does want this – John can tell from his excited looks, his slightly trembling shoulders when they kiss, the way he carefully presses his knee to John’s knee while they’re watching a movie… Yes, he’ll be fine. He just needs some time. 

“Johnny?”

Oh, he has apparently lost himself in these thoughts.

“What are you thinking about?”

“You,” John smiled. “Again.”

“Don’t believe you,” Alex laughed softly and shook his head. “You thinking about some hospital stuff, as usual.”

“My work is no funny thing,” John responded. “I save lives.”

“You know, I saved someone’s ass from prison last week!” Alex proudly exclaimed, making a wide wave with his knife.

“Are you going to finish that salad, you ginger superhero?” John went to teasing.

“I will, _Doctor Laurens_ ,” Alex frowned. “It’s a _complicated_ salad, just so you know.”

“I know,” John whispered as he came closer. “I know, darling.”

Alex lowered his head in excitement and confusion, his face blushing, as John’s low voice made his heart race. He closed his eyes, allowing John to stroke his shoulders and back, holding his breath and biting his lower lip because oh God, these hands were driving him crazy, and he shouldn’t, he’d wanted this for so long, but he shouldn’t…

“John, please—”

Oh no, he just did.

“Please what, love?” John asked, still whispering.

“I… I don’t know, do something!” Alex pleaded, surprised at himself.

John smiled and then kneeled before him, watching his eyes widen, and took his hand, only to take each fingertip into his mouth, gently kissing them with his warm, wet lips and tongue.

Alex could swear he’d never felt anything so arousing and pleasurable, but then… John firmly gripped his hand and slowly, so slowly licked the vulnerable line of his wrist. He felt his knees shaking when John did this again. Then he rolled up the sleeve of Alex’s sweatshirt and licked the sensitive skin on the crook of his arm. Alex couldn’t help but let out a sweet little “ahh” that made John tremble. His breath quickened, and it was so obvious he wanted John to kiss him right now, so obvious that John rose and did just that. Alex moaned into his mouth, and again, and it was so perfect to devour his lips, greedily, violently, to make him moan louder, because wasn’t it what they both wanted? But no, John didn’t let himself be careless, he did not allow himself to wrap his arms around Alex and press Alex’s body to his own, it would be too much, it would be too bold. This border between them only made the kiss more hungry and intense, like they were separated by a stone wall, and only their faces could reach out to each other.

Alex was the first to break apart; breathing heavily, he looked away from John.

“Now, that was probably enough,” John thought. 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Alex,” he muttered, “I didn’t mean anything…”

“John,” Alex said, his voice hoarse and unfamiliar.

John understood this was the end. Now Alex will turn around and go away. Maybe forever. And it was himself who ruined everything with his own damn…

“What are you waiting for?” Alex whispered angrily, grabbed John’s shoulders and involved him into an even more hungry kiss, pressing himself oh so tightly to John.

And the latter was so overwhelmed for the first few seconds that he couldn’t believe this. It was so marvelous to finally touch his sweetheart, everywhere, to stroke his perfect hips, his fine ass, to force a knee between his legs and watch him squirm, to hear him moan, to look into his eyes and see a defined “yes” in them. 

“Should I take you to the bedroom, babe?” John muttered right into his ear.

“And what will you do to me there?” he asked with a shy smile.

“Nothing without your consent,” came a firm response.

“Okay then,” Alex smiled again and let John lift him up and carry to the bedroom. 

“You’re so incredible,” John whispered, already in the bedroom, taking his sweatshirt off, covering his belly with passionate kisses. “There’s no one else like you,” he pulled Alex’s pants down, “I would worship you, I love you, love you, love you…” 

Alex threw his head back, opened his legs wider, lifted his hips up, exposing himself for John, and he didn’t know why, but John’s hand wrapped around him was so much better than anything he could ever do to himself.

“John,” he went, “John, John, John…”

“You know what, my darling,” John said, his voice low and sending chills down Alex’s spine. “I want to take you into my mouth so badly, and so _right now_.”

That confession made Alex’s heart miss one beat.

“Wh—What?” 

“You know why?” John continued with a lewd smile. “Because I want to devote myself to you. I want to please you, not being pleased in the while. This is my dirty dream. And now, Alex, you will beg me, you will scream my name, whatever, so loudly, that those Republican neighbors of ours will hear how good you feel. Am I clear?”

“Yes,” Alex breathed out.

“Very good.”

John positioned himself between Alex’s legs and slowly, very slowly took his flesh into the mouth and started making these wonderful circular movements with his tongue. Alex had thought he wouldn’t submit so easily, but he couldn’t imagine it would be _like that_ , and yes, he begged, he called John’s name, and he moaned something inappropriate, showing no strength and no will to resist at all. And John’s hand was stroking him between his legs, in the most sensitive places, and John was moaning, too, and the vibrations in his throat felt so _ahh_ , and there was really nothing more fantastic in his life. And then was this perfect sensation that made him arch his back, and John swallowed so obediently that it made it even better.

“I thought I might come from the very sound of your voice,” John muttered after carefully licking his lips clean. “I almost did.”

“John, will you please let me…” Alex managed to sit up, despite his shaking limbs.

“No, Alex, you don’t have to,” John tried to protest, but then Alex’s hand slipped into his pants, and he had to give up. “Oh, oh please, just a few touches, a bit mo… ahh, ah, please, please, darling, _please_ …”

Alex thought that doing this to him was a just punishment for making those conservative assholes next door aware of their sex life. Finishing John didn’t take long, and soon enough they were both lying in bed, Alex’s head on John’s shoulder and John’s arm around his waist.

“Will you finish your cooking?” John was the first to break the silence.

“I’d rather you helped me,” Alex smiled. “It’s too complicated.”


End file.
